i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
