oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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