We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
