toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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