I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
