so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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