don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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