I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
