help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
