I can text with my tongue
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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