I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
