Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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