You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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