Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
