Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
