I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
