alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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