i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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