Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
