Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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