STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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