He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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