I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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