Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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