Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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