Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's a Shit stain on my heart
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
