you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
