this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would fuck him just for his dog
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
