lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
