I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
