I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
