You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize