Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
