If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize