And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
