pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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