Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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