so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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