I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
