im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
