I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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