I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize