i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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