He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize