Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
