I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
