just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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