If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
