you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My bed smells like the plague
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
