The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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