Porn is love you can see.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE