Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult