drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
too bad you live with your parents still
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
