He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.