So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.