I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway