apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize