I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just pee around me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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