Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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