My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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