I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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