I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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