I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
