8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize